Mooc des communs : Trust Issues: The Temptation and Consequences of Snooping

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[[https://bit.ly/3DyCtCX Questioning Dating Perferences]]
[[https://bit.ly/4a0qKcm Jaded About Dating]]
[[https://bit.ly/49ZPRfm Endless Evidence Gathering]]
[[https://bit.ly/49W3HiX Snooping on a Partner]]
[[https://bit.ly/4a6mcRS Interracial Dating And Relationships]]
[[https://bit.ly/3DCWdFv Why Do You Want to Be in a Relationship?]]
[[https://bit.ly/3BNvt4w Being Really Smart Can Work Against A Woman]]
[[https://bit.ly/49YqEBT Flexibility in Modern Relationships]]
[[https://bit.ly/3DDjFlQ "Till Death Do Us Part"]]
[[https://bit.ly/4a0bE6H Assembly Line of Hot]]
[[https://bit.ly/4a1kfWz The Art of Selective Truths in Dating]]
[[https://bit.ly/4gASzdA Warning Signs on the First Date]]
Dani: In my experience, age and geography have been bigger factors than class, though I guess it’s all related. Through college and most of my 20s, all my serious boyfriends were black. As I’ve gotten older – in the last five years or so – that’s changed. In my late 20s and early 30s, I’ve moved a lot for work and have been part of several cities’ transient class, in which I’ve tended to spend time with people who are also not native to those cities and who do work similar to mine. In these circles, it’s been less likely that I meet black men, at least black men who aren’t colleagues. I also realize that a large part of not dating black men in recent years is related to having ended up on the West Coast, where interracial dating – especially among people who aren’t from here – is apparently required. During a phone conversation years ago, a black man who I had dated and who had moved to the Bay Area from the East Coast boasted about how much access he had to non-black women now that he was out west, and how much he was enjoying that. I remember asking who black women were with if black men were scrambling to be with white and Asian women and Latinas. He kind of snorted and said, “I don’t know. Each other, I guess.” He was going out of his way to be an asshole and I get that, but now that I live here, I see what he meant. Black men and women to seem to have a kind of aversion to each other out here. I still haven’t figured it out.

Kadian: I can’t ever remember my family discussing interracial relationships or even voicing an opinion. Perhaps because no one in my family ever dated outside their “race”? My family is Jamaican, and they pretty much have an issue with dating outside the culture. So even Black Americans are seen as culturally very different. However, the message that I received from the wider society/culture is that “interracial” pretty much means the romantic mixing of Blacks & Whites with no other real attention to other “racial” pairings.  I do remember finding such pairings in film and television exciting, but somehow doomed to fail.

Over at Baggage Reclaim, Natalie has a fine post on overthinking and it's impact on relationships. This particular paragraph, early on in the piece, was really striking:

I have a friend who spent over a decade (yes you read that correctly) ruminating on her relationship. Every time we caught up about what was going on, she was trying to “work things out” or “figuring things out” or “deciding what the best thing to do is” and even “trying to avoid making a mistake”.

Having done some of this myself, I totally know how you can fall down that rabbit hole. Part of me knew six months into my first long term relationship that we were a poor match, but I didn't have the experience and insight yet to overcome the fear of ending it and being alone. We stayed together over three years.

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